I wondered if this was how heaven felt with the unwavering amount of peace and love I felt it had to be.
I was in a place that was more home than any other place I’d been before, not in the way normal people come to find themselves, but in a way where my mind, body, and spirit were finally aligned with God’s design and in the same resting place He was.
A place only being one with Jesus could bring me to and as I sat with anticipation while feeling the nerves creeping in I realised it wasn’t the end but the beginning of something so incredibly beautiful for me.
The beginning of a life with an open heart fully invested in Jesus and a choice to never look back while letting go of some old bones. I’d spoken to God many times about this very moment and although I knew He had no expectations from me I’d given myself some.
The process before entering the water, what my thoughts had to be while waiting my turn, and where my heart was going to be as I stood trusting my pastors to submerge me under the water.
I wanted it to be perfect. I dreamed about this moment, prayed about it, wept for it, and I knew Jesus had been so patient with me waiting for it too and I didn’t want to let him down with any doubt that I wasn’t ready.
I remember what I said underneath my breath as I saw the lights “I am here, Father, as promised. I love you.”
I was the calmest I’d ever been in my time here on earth. Whole, but free, and everything I had been before this moment dissolved the deeper I walked.
It was all slow motion and although my pastors had their hands wrapped around my crossed arms I felt only the warmth and love of Jesus while hearing the words “Come my child, it is time.”
It was just me and Jesus, everything and everyone around us faded away. There was no fear, no sadness, no worry, there was NO thing, just me and Jesus. I knew it was worth the wait and it was so beautiful. Just the way I had hoped and prayed it would be.
Everything I was became more, everything dead was taken away, and everything He loved about me blossomed, my mind, body, and soul had been taken to a place they had never graced before.
With my eyes closed and the words “Jesus I am yours” the old became new and the light I was became the light of Jesus not myself.
He was right there and although I couldn’t touch Him I could feel Him and His love for me.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I prayed I could stay with him in that space for a little while longer, but as I left the water I knew I already had the greatest part of Him in me - our heart.
I know I left a part of myself in the water, the parts Jesus requested me to leave and as I turned back one last time I knew everything about His love, His forgiveness, His mercy, and His faithfulness finally made sense.
I had been worthy of it all and long before tonight and the feet that stepped out from the water were no longer mine but the feet of Jesus. Nothing about who I was now was because I was myself, it was because I was Him—his vessel, His miracle, His blessing, His disciple, His heart, and His child.
I remember walking lighter as I found my way outside staring at the trees as they blew in the wind. Things felt different and for a moment looked different too - the entire trip home was like that.
Lights were illuminating and radiating energy I had never seen before. Clearer, I guess but not just in my sight but in my heart.
I giggled to myself as the trees swayed knowing very well Jesus knew I loved the wind and how it made me feel. It helps clear the dust we become at times while we grow in Him.
And nowadays the dust rarely gets time to settle because God ensures that the beauty I’ve become in Him stays visible not just to the people who need the hope it creates but so that I can see what He’s seen all along.
I realised giving my heart to Jesus is only one of the few things that complete my journey in faith and my baptism proved that.
Like all things creation happens in many parts, a collaboration of puzzle pieces to form the entire picture. Such is Faith and our journey to becoming the best person in Christ.
And the gap for me between Jesus and I - I mean, is much smaller and stronger than I ever imagined it would be, and that’s the key, right? To stand within the love he died for us to have and be so no further sacrifices need to be made.
We just live His life for us and allow nothing to ever come between Him and us while putting Him above ALL things trusting that He knows what’s best for us.
The best part of the entire experience was seeing the light my spirit became while I was in the water. An out-of-body experience I guess you could call it? I like to think it was the miracle baptism is. I just know Jesus made sure I saw what He’s seen all along so I never forget how truly precious I am to Him and to everyone I’m fortunate to meet.
Thank you will never be enough and that’s ok because Jesus knows my heart and what it captures in emotions when those words are said.
The Baptism of Trisha Rapley
Sunday 26th November 2023
The Baptism.
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